Attempts

This is not my first rodeo (is that how the saying goes?), so a declaration of what this site is about seems arbitrary. I think what I inherently hate about blogs is the overeager earnestness that can be hard to escape. After a lifetime of journaling everyday, oversharing on countless social media platforms, and exchanging never-ending texts and emails where “I feel” and “I think” and “personally” are very active players, it becomes incredibly tiring to consider adding yet one more place to do just the same.

Nevertheless, here we are:

  1. I want to learn how to be kind to people that I know don’t deserve it. Maybe even people who deliberately hurt others (yikes, that sounds scary), but especially those who wrong me (self-absorbed; see above).
  2. I want to open my heart to people. Not just give them my time or attention. I have a very strong tendency to “give” people my attention, listen to them as if they’re the most important person in the room, devote hours of my uninterrupted time to them, and share in their frustrations and joys all the while keeping them outside of my heart.
  3. I want to be more honest. That of course means being less guarded, which leads to being more vulnerable, which must come from not being afraid of unkind people, I guess, which takes us back to number one.
  4. I want to radically, openly, sincerely love myself. I know that this is probably the most revolutionary act I could ever commit, which must be why it’s the hardest thing I can imagine.
  5. I want to finally grow the fuck up. Hashtag girl boss or something.

That’s it. These are my attempts, my ambitions, for this blog and – more importantly – for this life. There should be more, obviously. I could do with more discipline and whatever the hell else it takes to be “a better person.” Of course there should be more. But I haven’t got the time or the energy to take on more than this just yet.

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